A conversation from this morning (during which I happened to be getting dressed but had to act like I wasn't).
Son: You won't believe the nightmare I had last night. I better not tell you.
Me: Why don't you.....
Son: Ok, I'll tell you. I dreamt that I saw a girl's laryngitis and it looked just like a boy's wiener. It was gross.
Me: Wait, what?
Son: I dreamt I saw a girl's laryngitis.
Me: You can't really SEE laryngitis....
Son: Well, you know. I can't exactly think of the word.
Me: Her uvula?
Son: No. I just can't think of the word....
Me: Are you trying to say vagina?
Son: Yeah! I dreamt I saw a girl's vagina and it looked just like....
Me: Yeah, yeah. I get it. You know, you are going to have see a drawing or a picture of a vagina in health class.
Son: I know.
Me: Do you want to see a picture right now?
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago