Sunday, July 17, 2011

Concerts and Construction

You might want to avoid me.

You see, I found out a few weeks ago that I will be on stage helping to introduce Steve Miller for the Woodward Dream Cruise Benefit Concert on August 7 and even though I've been (mostly) vegan for two years now I have managed to hang on to every pound from my meat-and-cheese eating days by overindulging in things like avocado and (especially) french fries.

Mmmmmmm, french fries.

Sorry. So I quit eating fried food (ALL fried food) two weeks ago in an effort to not embarrass myself in front of the Steve Miller crowd and, really, I feel like it's only fair that I should have dropped about five pounds by now but even though I haven't really weighed myself I don't think I've lost ANY weight so I'm trying to exercise more so now I'm sore and craving french fries and generally just miserable to be around.

And even though I'm crowd-phobic I like my husband so I accompanied him to two concerts this weekend. We saw Cheap Trick on Friday night at the Motor City Sound Board and Steely Dan last night at The Fox and while both shows were GREAT I was reminded of my eventual plan to run for public office on the platform of public seating by head size and, ladies, if you are trying to compensate for being short or having a small head by wearing extra large hair the hair WILL be measured and counted and you will be moved back a few rows and, men, neck size WILL be included because sometimes I can sit behind a tall, large-headed man and manage to find some kind of viewing area in that space between his head and shoulders but not if he has an extra thick neck or, basically, no neck at all where the head just goes straight down to the shoulders like there's a large square just sitting on top of his body and I know I put "construction" in the title of this post but I'm already all worked up over the lack of grease and sight lines in my life and if I even THINK about how everything in this project is costing twice as much as estimated and how people are asking me questions about something that we already had a 45-minute discussion about my head is going to spin completely around and my eyes will shoot fire.

Oh! Speaking of too-big hair. We rain into some friends before the show last night and they pointed out a REAL LIFE MARGE SIMPSON walking down the street and then sent me a pic: it's actually making me feel less grouchy. Thank you Allyson!

P.S. Once I'm elected this woman, no matter how fun she is to spot on the street, will always be seated in the back. For obvious reasons.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I Made A T-Shirt!

I designed the Gratiot Happens shirt for Bobby Mitchell - but you can order one too!

make custom gifts at Zazzle

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Dear Real Housewives Franchise:

As much as I am a proponent of showing that sex is not limited to A) the young and B) the beautiful and that people who have been married for longer than 20 years still manage to have sex lives, if I have to see one more of your skanky, vacuous housewives A) wearing lingerie B) talking dirty to her husband or C) talking dirty to her husband while wearing lingerie I plan to direct my inevitable stream of vomit into a Ziploc Plastic Bag and mail it to your production office.