What I Learned While Ringing The Bell

This past weekend employees of my radio station, WOMC, scattered around metro Detroit to man kettles for The Salvation Army. I don't know about you, but when I leave a store I'm A) frequently in a hurry B) usually distracted and C) don't want to be judged so, unless I have specifically planned to donate and have some change or singles at the ready I find myself ducking and running past the Red Kettle and its attendant. I can't afford to donate every single time I walk by a kettle and I'd feel like an idiot saying "I donated yesterday.' But here's what I learned.

1. There's no judging. I could tell when people were avoiding looking at me and let me assure you, there's no need. Sure it's nice when people stop and donate but a smile or even eye contact is just as good.

2. You can tell the Bell Ringer that you've already donated without looking like an idiot. I loved it when people told me; it gave me the chance to say "Thanks for your support. Happy Holidays!"

3. You get lots of different reactions to the question "Would you like a kiss?" Yes, I was handing out Hershey's Kisses. I'm not above bribing people. And yes I did hand out real pecks on the cheek to anyone who was brave enough to ask for one.

Set Straight By My Son

Last night my son and I had to have what I call the Save Yourself talk. I've been giving my daughter this talk for years and it boils down to "when your friends are making bad choices, save yourself." Now, my daughter is a caring girl but my son is really a sensitive soul. And every time I tried to bring my point home he would try and offer an example where he could do the opposite of what I advised.

My last scenario: you're at a party and kids are drinking and your best friend decides to stay. Save yourself.

Son: Can I tell him we should leave?

Me: Yes, but if he makes a bad decision to stay you have to still leave.

Son: What if I see other people I know? Can I tell them they should leave?

Me: Well, yes. Once. But don't wait for anyone. You can't save the world. No one can.

Son: Everybody can, mom, but not everybody will.

Let's Turn Charity Work Into A Competition Shall We?

The staff here at WOMC is teaming up with the Salvation Army and Kroger this weekend and I'm turning it into a competition. So, friends, if you are planning on getting some groceries in the Bloomfield area this weekend please do it on Saturday between 1 pm and 2 pm and bring a few coins to drop in my kettle. My goal is to get that thing so full that it breaks the tripod thingy that holds it up. Ok, maybe not. How about just needing a fresh kettle at 2 p.m. because mine is so. very. stuffed.

Here's the Kroger stores where you can find us on Saturday:

Bobby Mitchell – Maple & Lahser in Bloomefield @ 10:00am

Stacey DuFord – Maple & Lahser in Bloomfield @ 1:00pm

Bob Schuman – Garfield & Canal in Clinton Twp @ 1:00pm

Jim Johnson – Maple & Lahser in Bloomfield @ 12:00pm

Beau Daniels – Carpenter Rd in Ypsilanti @ 9:00a

Dave Fuller – Eureka Rd in Southgate @ 2:00pm

Boogie Brian – Dix & Southfield in Lincoln Park @ 12:00pm

Other Staff Locations & Times:

Lisa Thorn – Canton Center Rd in Canton @ 1:00pm

Leslee Faulkner – Canton Center Rd. in Canton @ 11:00am

Kimberly Hard – Crescent Lake & Highland Rd in Waterford @ 1:00pm

Jean Harding – 23 & Hayes @ 10:00am

Rhonda Brooks - 8 Mile & Farmington in Livonia @ 1:00pm

Tony Prainito – 13 & Woodward in Royal Oak @ 8:00am

Sara Finlayson – 8 Mile & Pontiac Trail in South Lyon @ 11:00am

Laura Robinson – 18 Mile & Dequindre in Sterling Heights @ 7:00am

Scott Buie – 6 Mile & Haggerty in Northville @ 10:00am

Oliver Wolcott – Ann Arbor & Sheldon in Plymouth @ 11:00am

Maureen Barkume – 13 & Woodward in Royal Oak @ 9:00am

Donna Autry – Lapeer Rd & Indian Wood in Lake Orion @ 11:00am

Suzanne Belanger – 8 Mile & Pontiac Trail in South Lyon @ 1:00pm

My Apologies To The Meter Reader

I ran home yesterday to fit in a workout before a busy afternoon. I decided I didn't have enough time (i.e. too lazy) to run so I decided to pull up a workout video from On Demand and work on my abs. I took off my clothes then thought "I'm in my bedroom. I'm home alone. Why bother putting on another set of clothes that I'm just going to have to take right off?" and proceeded to complete the 12-minute ab video in just my underwear.

It wasn't until I was halfway through the 18-minute kickboxing video that I looked outside and saw the woman with the clipboard in my backyard.

I'm going to choose to continue to believe that she didn't see me, that her eyebrows are naturally that high, and that her eyes are always that big.

Halloween

We went to a Halloween party last night and my son's costume is Santa Claus this year. It's pretty hilarious. Especially when we walked into a room set up as an evil lab with a Frankenstein-like robot monster chopping away at an alien-like corpse to the sounds of eerie music and flashing purple strobe lights. We stood there for a moment, then a kid popped out from under the table - "Boo!" - to frighten us. My son didn't miss a beat.

"Looks like someone's on the naughty list this year."

Too Exhausted To Be Distracted

I know.

I have a responsibility to keep writing despite my exhaustion.

But I don't feel witty or clever.

Not that I normally feel witty and clever.

Bu right now

I feel negative witty and clever.

And so,

to my eight loyal readers,

I apologize

for my lack of presence

and this shabby near-poem.

Please check back once school starts.

I. Love. September.

Concerts and Construction

You might want to avoid me.

You see, I found out a few weeks ago that I will be on stage helping to introduce Steve Miller for the Woodward Dream Cruise Benefit Concert on August 7 and even though I've been (mostly) vegan for two years now I have managed to hang on to every pound from my meat-and-cheese eating days by overindulging in things like avocado and (especially) french fries.

Mmmmmmm, french fries.

Sorry. So I quit eating fried food (ALL fried food) two weeks ago in an effort to not embarrass myself in front of the Steve Miller crowd and, really, I feel like it's only fair that I should have dropped about five pounds by now but even though I haven't really weighed myself I don't think I've lost ANY weight so I'm trying to exercise more so now I'm sore and craving french fries and generally just miserable to be around.

And even though I'm crowd-phobic I like my husband so I accompanied him to two concerts this weekend. We saw Cheap Trick on Friday night at the Motor City Sound Board and Steely Dan last night at The Fox and while both shows were GREAT I was reminded of my eventual plan to run for public office on the platform of public seating by head size and, ladies, if you are trying to compensate for being short or having a small head by wearing extra large hair the hair WILL be measured and counted and you will be moved back a few rows and, men, neck size WILL be included because sometimes I can sit behind a tall, large-headed man and manage to find some kind of viewing area in that space between his head and shoulders but not if he has an extra thick neck or, basically, no neck at all where the head just goes straight down to the shoulders like there's a large square just sitting on top of his body and I know I put "construction" in the title of this post but I'm already all worked up over the lack of grease and sight lines in my life and if I even THINK about how everything in this project is costing twice as much as estimated and how people are asking me questions about something that we already had a 45-minute discussion about my head is going to spin completely around and my eyes will shoot fire.

Oh! Speaking of too-big hair. We rain into some friends before the show last night and they pointed out a REAL LIFE MARGE SIMPSON walking down the street and then sent me a pic: it's actually making me feel less grouchy. Thank you Allyson!

P.S. Once I'm elected this woman, no matter how fun she is to spot on the street, will always be seated in the back. For obvious reasons.