I should be making a video instead of writing a blog post about making a video

Ever since it was announced I have had every intention of making a video to submit to the Oprah Your Own Show contest and I even started making it on several occasions (the first time = bad lighting, the second time = cheesy idea, the third time = audio gave out on the video camera, so of course now I'm starting to wonder if the Universe doesn't WANT me to enter the contest because if I get chosen to be on the reality show portion I'd have to live away from my family for 6 weeks or something and just today my family told me how GLAD they are that I'm not doing morning radio anymore because they like having me home although I suspect it's only because that means there is someone to drive them all somewhere and not because they really like me or having me around) but the deadline is in TWO DAYS and I keep putting it off (although we have been REALLY BUSY with all the swimming, golf, skating, and lacrosse my kids have been doing) and now I just don't know. One part of me WANTS to make the video because, you never know, someone could see it and offer me a fabulous job and if I don't do it that will never happen but on the other hand I'm not living in a sitcom or a RomCom and those things rarely happen in real life except I keep thinking that sometimes they do because what else are all these sitcoms and RomComs based on?

How NOT To Raise A Future Mayor

This is certainly not intended to be a defense of Kwame Kilpatrick, but I'm wondering how a man who was raised by public servants (and those who work for them) ever got the idea that HE was the charitable cause that funds from a Civic Fund should support.

Sure, apples occasionally do end up a far distance from the tree. And if that's the case, I wouldn't mind seeing an honest quote from the tree. Why isn't his mother saying "I don't know why he is being accused of this behavior, this is NOT how we raised him and I find it difficult to believe that he would be capable of this."?

But I doubt we will ever hear anything like this from the woman who purportedly told her son he "was chosen" to be Mayor.

Yes, I'm being tough on her, but raising children is a big responsibility. Raising responsible citizens is tough enough but purposely letting your child believe that he is destined for public service and letting him believe that role is an entitlement and not a responsibility is just.....wrong.

Yes, I know. My children aren't out there in the world yet. I've yet to see if the lessons I think I'm teaching them stick. I'd like to think that they will. And I'd like to think that if they don't, I'll take responsibility for not doing my parental duty and come clean about it.

Feel free to check back with me in 10-15 years.

Why Isn't My Son Tired?

Sure, he's 9 1/2. But he's also the kid who prefers to spend the majority of each day lying down watching cartoons or playing video games. Usually when I try to cajole him into physical activity his skinny little legs dramatically fold beneath him like a foal that has just been birthed and he claims he is just. too. tired.

Today I took him to swimming, then brought him home to feed him and change his clothes and took him to golf, then brought him home to feed him and change his clothes and took him to lacrosse, then picked him up and had him change clothes in the back of the car and took him to an audition.

Why isn't he tired? I'M exhausted! Not only does he seem totally unfazed, he seems...energized. Should I have been over scheduling him all along?

I am so confused.

It is nearly impossible to cancel Comcast

This week we switched from Comcast, which we've had for.e.ver to AT&T UVerse and the day that we switched it was like having a new computer because the thing that had been working like a TR186 (or some other kind of slow computer that doesn't exist anymore) was working like it was on SPEED or something.

But now the computer is acting like it's old, tired self and I'm suspicious that UVerse somehow managed to bribe or bully my computer into acting better and faster than it really is for a day simply to convince me that I had made the right decision and this makes me really worried because now UVerse is IN MY HOUSE and if it has those kinds of powers then I fear for the safety of my children and pets (and my husband because he will NEVER believe that UVerse is trying to control us no matter how much evidence I have).

Comcast is pretty powerful itself in that it is nearly impossible to cancel. I have been the one calling Comcast for our entire married life (17 years this July 3 thankyouverymuch) and even though the bill is in my husband's name I have successfully added and deleted channels and scheduled service and maintenance but when I called to cancel I was told I DID NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY because I am not my husband.

I said, "Listen, I AM the authority of my husband. I have his social security number, I doubt he even remembers it anymore." But the Comcast Woman refused to cancel our service so I told my husband that he had to call and cancel and he called from his work phone and they COULDN'T EVEN FIND HIM IN THE SYSTEM.

Also, when I called, I was told that I would have to return all our many Comcast gadgets myself to an entirely inconvenient location (with rumors of an hour or more in line). Like I have time for that. My husband called again to cancel - this time from our house phone so they could track us (which also makes me worried - of course - because we didn't have Comcast service at the time!) - and now they are picking up our equipment and THANK YOU to whatever understanding and sane Comcast employee he finally got on the phone but really, hon, you are in a minority and you might want to consider switching to UVerse too.

Just a thought.

Fun With Bacon

I've been vegan for over a year now. I chose veganism over taking cholesterol meds every day for the rest of my life and 99.9% of the time I don't regret that decision at all.

But I really want to go to Camp Bacon.

First, I respect the sheer genius of holding a cooking class that centers around bacon and calling it Camp Bacon. I hope whoever came up with that name got a BIG promotion and a nice tropical vacation. Second, every meal at Camp Bacon includes.....wait for it.....bacon. In fact, lunch is a BLT bar. A. B. L. T. Bar. You could feasibly forgo the L. and the T. and just eat the B. You wouldn't have to bother with the bread if you didn't want to! Third, the shirt.

I just ordered one! I love the irony of a vegan wearing a Camp Bacon shirt and it's a Camp Bacon shirt!!

Today I feel like I did when I was pregnant for my son and craved bacon all day every day and the cravings continued while I was nursing him and one of my coworkers offered to bring in a big chafing dish full of bacon for me to nibble on while I was on the air but I didn't let her because it just seemed kind of obnoxious but now I'm wishing I had because now I'd at least have the memory of it.

30 days of Harley Pasternak - Day 5

I decided to do one of Harley Pasternak's workouts every day in June, after being abruptly forced into summer clothes. I think I started on Day 3 because that's what my daughter had left in the VCR and on Day 3 or Day 4 Harley had me doing lunges until my eyes bled. Needless to say, I've been sore all week. I've been popping Ibuprofen like it's candy and one day I couldn't even walk up or down the stairs.

AND, I'm fatter than ever. Every part of me is bloated and swollen and protruding and this is not what I was going for. But now I can't stop. Now it's a mission. Now I MUST find a way to fit this video in every. single. day.

I was hoping, by July 1, to buy myself a bikini for the first time since giving birth but I don't see it happening. By July 1 I will be the size of a parade balloon. Puffy and bloated and tethered to earth by sweaty and determined volunteers holding on to ropes.

It's quite an accomplishment, I know.

Baseball and Twitter and please see the previous post about little league

My husband came tearing into the bedroom last night (simmer down) and grabbed the remote yelling "You've got to watch this!" He hit channel 32 then went on to explain to me that Armando Galarraga was two batters away from pitching a perfect game (and everything that entails). So we watched, together, as Jim Joyce made The Call Heard Round The World.

"Armando, you were robbed." I immediately Tweeted.

I happened to have Twitter pulled up at the time and there is something very exciting about being on Twitter when things like this happen. It's nowhere near the excitement/disappointment that must have been palpable at Comerica Park last night, but it was pretty fun to see Twitter go crazy with posts about something I had just witnessed.

I didn't watch any post-game coverage, I could well imagine what every sports talking head would be saying. But I was pleased to see the quote from umpire Jim Joyce in the paper this morning. (I still think Joyce looked physically ill immediately following the play, like he knew right away he'd made a bad call.)

And now I'm going to borrow a Facebook post from a friend, Jeff Gilbert, a reporter for WWJ and probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet:

We may have missed seeing a perfect game last night, but we did see one of the best life lessons ever! In a world where people "spin" things, hide from the media, and sometimes directly lie, an umpire wasted no time in taking responsibility, and apologizing. And a young pitcher who was robbed forgave him with a smile.

Well said, Jeff. And I couldn't help but contrast this with the little league situation I had witnessed just two nights earlier where parents/coaches of little boys were yelling at each other and harassing teenage umpires "WHY was that a strike? WHY?" all so their kid could "win."

Thank you, MLB, for showing us what winning is really about. Grace and dignity under pressure and owning up to your mistakes.

Little League Stinks

Apparently last night at the little league playoff game I was the adult that was the problem.

Allow me to set the scene:

The four coaches from the opposing team and the two coaches from our team were all yelling at each other about who should be penalized because the coaches had been on the field too many times while some poor 9-year old boy is standing at the plate with his bat at the ready and after five minutes of yelling at each other one of these genius coaches (who have been in charge of our sons for the last eight weeks) finally starts yelling to "just let the kid bat!" and then they all start yelling at the kid to bat and the kid is a nervous wreck and his little eyes are darting from coach to coach and I finally can't take it anymore and yell "IGNORE the grownups!"

Again, I'm the problem.

Little league is killing me this year. A coach who shall-remain-nameless didn't have a game last night so he went out and scouted two other teams that were in the playoffs. These are 8 AND 9 YEAR OLD BOYS. This isn't even a travel league! And I can't say anything because of potential repercussions against my kid. So I bite my tongue and only yell when I just. can't. take. it. anymore.

I. just. can't. take. it. anymore.

Is it wrong for me to root against my own kid's team so we can be done with this?