Straight To The Dog Days

I finally understand what Spring is really about.

Because this year we went straight from temps in the mid-60's to temps in the high-80's in less than a week and we didn't have the need or get the time for the buffer wardrobe and so I went from completely covered up to tank tops in 6 days and that is not nearly enough time.

I need the weeks of lighter-weight pants and short sleeves to make me gently recognize and begin to work on the cellulite that has accumulated over the winter. Going straight from sweaters to spaghetti straps is too shocking, too overwhelming, and too much skin to deal with.

I'm sure when you're 20, the sudden switch from parka to bikini is a simple matter of Tan Towels and a Pilates class; achievable in under 24 hours. The older you get, the longer the transition takes and I think that's why Diane Keaton continues to wear turtlenecks throughout most of the summer in Something's Gotta Give; she finally made the switch to v-necks by late July/early August and her date with the young Doctor (played so darn well by Keanu Reeves and no I don't have a small crush but what if I did there's no law against it).

What I'm trying to say is, I either need Cellulite Boot Camp or an Arsenal of Turtlenecks and Unlimited Funds for the Air Conditioning Bill. I'm hot as hell and I can't take it anymore.