Monday, November 29, 2010

Playing in the Spam Box

I'm thinking of just moving into my Spam Box and living there for the rest of eternity. There are several displaced Royals that need me to help them move their money to a safe location and they are willing to pay me handsomely for my time and trouble, and I've been selected to receive a $5,000 U.S. Dollar Home Depot Gift Card! I know, right? People, I am rich in my Spam Box. And if I feel guilty for just taking money, there is a guaranteed 2% non -collateral loan available and shocking (SHOCKING!) work at home opportunities!

And there are plenty of ways to spend all this new-found wealth: 95% savings on brand name electronics, a printer ink sale, AND a pre-paid Visa Rushcard by Russell Simmons (Really?). Though, first, I should probably do that pesky account maintenance on the Chase account that I don't have and take a look at some of the photos of the "other" singles in my area so I have someone to take to dinner when I use my free Olive Garden gift card. Bottomless salad and bread sticks for everyone!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Texts From The Future and Apparently I'm Not A "Normal" Parent

My daughter has a text from the future saved on her phone. It is from the year 2019 and the phone number has a semicolon in it ("There'll be so many phone numbers by then that they'll NEED semicolons!"). Today her friend also received a text from the future; the phone number didn't have a semi-colon and when he dialed it, it was a land-line. Of course, land-lines will probably be obsolete in 2019, but who am I to dispel beliefs?

Maybe a normal parent would point this out. I am apparently NOT a normal parent because I do things like A) contribute to an advice column on the U by Kotex website, B) take skating lessons, C) teach writer's workshops to 4th graders, and D) participate in dance competitions even though I "don't have a background in dance."

So, my question is: what do normal parents do? When I was growing up my mom was a painter and my dad played the clarinet, listened to opera on Sunday afternoons, and did magic tricks at the dinner table so I don't think I really have a reference point. And, is it bad that I'm not a normal parent? Am I raising children that have no concept of reality, or am I simply raising children who will be non-normal parents as well? And, really, if raising "non-normal parents" is the worst parenting I do then I will consider myself a success but now I have to stop typing because I am really sore from the dancing and the skating.

Good night.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Litter Boxes

We have two cats and two litter boxes and I noticed the other day that both cats use one box as a urinal and the other as a ... non-urinal and how the heck did that happen? Is that a natural thing cats do? Was there a conversation about it? What about an accident? "Dude, what are you doing? That's the urinal!"

And for years my husband has wondered what the cats do when they roam around outside so I'm wondering if I should get him this for Christmas - or is it really a present for the cats?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

It's November 14

And I haven't posted a thing since November 1 which I'm really disgusted with especially since THINGS have happened like A) I started an adult skating class and fell the first day and bruised my knee and B) discovered Vibrams and started running again and now my calves are killing me but my lower back ISN'T and C) my daughter finally finished the high school musical which is not THE High School Musical but took nearly as much time to put on (I exaggerate) and D) made my son go running with me and MY GOD THE WHINING and E) foolishly bought a bag of Mint M&M's because they only come out for Christmas and I realize that there are MANY weeks until Christmas but I couldn't resist because, come ON it's M&M's and MINT and, really, I'm SO glad for the running and the skating and the dancing (oh, did I mention that the dancing started up again for another competition on Dec. 3 and I got the video from the last competition and it certainly FELT like I was spinning a LOT faster than that?) because I CAN'T STOP eating those damn mint M&M's and I'm just HOPING that I don't run across the Christmas Cadbury Mini Eggs that my sister and pregnant niece insist exist (really, like Santa Claus?) because as soon as Christmas is done they fill the stores with the Easter Mini Eggs and that means I won't be able to shop until May.

So. Hey. How are you?

(Ok, while I'm here, I am NOT HAPPY with the Mint M&M package that says "What's Inside? 210 Calories" then "(per serving)" in the smallest possible font. That is one big tease, M&M's, and yes, I almost fell for it but I am not happy AT ALL about the subterfuge. NOT AT ALL!)

(And I forgot to mention that my daughter SAT ON HER CAT and bruised it's tail which led to her sobbing every time the cat meowed and the cat meowing whenever someone touched it's butt/tail and HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE SAT ON YOUR CAT?)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Unwanted Halloween Guests

I took this picture to remind myself to carve the pumpkins at the last possible minute for Halloween 2011. I carved the pumpkins on Saturday and when I went to light the candles on Sunday evening the ants were setting up for their Halloween dinner party and just waiting for the ambient candle light before they started eating. Or maybe they weren't waiting. I have no idea what they were doing in the pumpkins only that the pumpkins were on the porch and that means the ants were on the porch which is very close to the front door and I'm hoping the close-to-freezing overnight temps this week kill them because even though they are tiny I don't want them in the house.

They're probably already in the house, aren't they?