Monday, December 5, 2011
1. There's no judging. I could tell when people were avoiding looking at me and let me assure you, there's no need. Sure it's nice when people stop and donate but a smile or even eye contact is just as good.
2. You can tell the Bell Ringer that you've already donated without looking like an idiot. I loved it when people told me; it gave me the chance to say "Thanks for your support. Happy Holidays!"
3. You get lots of different reactions to the question "Would you like a kiss?" Yes, I was handing out Hershey's Kisses. I'm not above bribing people. And yes I did hand out real pecks on the cheek to anyone who was brave enough to ask for one.
Friday, December 2, 2011
My last scenario: you're at a party and kids are drinking and your best friend decides to stay. Save yourself.
Son: Can I tell him we should leave?
Me: Yes, but if he makes a bad decision to stay you have to still leave.
Son: What if I see other people I know? Can I tell them they should leave?
Me: Well, yes. Once. But don't wait for anyone. You can't save the world. No one can.
Son: Everybody can, mom, but not everybody will.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The staff here at WOMC is teaming up with the Salvation Army and Kroger this weekend and I'm turning it into a competition. So, friends, if you are planning on getting some groceries in the Bloomfield area this weekend please do it on Saturday between 1 pm and 2 pm and bring a few coins to drop in my kettle. My goal is to get that thing so full that it breaks the tripod thingy that holds it up. Ok, maybe not. How about just needing a fresh kettle at 2 p.m. because mine is so. very. stuffed.
Here's the Kroger stores where you can find us on Saturday:
Bobby Mitchell – Maple & Lahser in Bloomefield @ 10:00am
Stacey DuFord – Maple & Lahser in Bloomfield @ 1:00pm
Bob Schuman – Garfield & Canal in Clinton Twp @ 1:00pm
Jim Johnson – Maple & Lahser in Bloomfield @ 12:00pm
Beau Daniels – Carpenter Rd in Ypsilanti @ 9:00a
Dave Fuller – Eureka Rd in Southgate @ 2:00pm
Boogie Brian – Dix & Southfield in Lincoln Park @ 12:00pm
Other Staff Locations & Times:
Lisa Thorn – Canton Center Rd in Canton @ 1:00pm
Leslee Faulkner – Canton Center Rd. in Canton @ 11:00am
Kimberly Hard – Crescent Lake & Highland Rd in Waterford @ 1:00pm
Jean Harding – 23 & Hayes @ 10:00am
Rhonda Brooks - 8 Mile & Farmington in Livonia @ 1:00pm
Tony Prainito – 13 & Woodward in Royal Oak @ 8:00am
Sara Finlayson – 8 Mile & Pontiac Trail in South Lyon @ 11:00am
Laura Robinson – 18 Mile & Dequindre in Sterling Heights @ 7:00am
Scott Buie – 6 Mile & Haggerty in Northville @ 10:00am
Oliver Wolcott – Ann Arbor & Sheldon in Plymouth @ 11:00am
Maureen Barkume – 13 & Woodward in Royal Oak @ 9:00am
Donna Autry – Lapeer Rd & Indian Wood in Lake Orion @ 11:00am
Suzanne Belanger – 8 Mile & Pontiac Trail in South Lyon @ 1:00pm
Thursday, November 17, 2011
It wasn't until I was halfway through the 18-minute kickboxing video that I looked outside and saw the woman with the clipboard in my backyard.
I'm going to choose to continue to believe that she didn't see me, that her eyebrows are naturally that high, and that her eyes are always that big.
Monday, October 31, 2011
"Looks like someone's on the naughty list this year."
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I have a responsibility to keep writing despite my exhaustion.
But I don't feel witty or clever.
Not that I normally feel witty and clever.
Bu right now
I feel negative witty and clever.
to my eight loyal readers,
for my lack of presence
and this shabby near-poem.
Please check back once school starts.
I. Love. September.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
P.S. Once I'm elected this woman, no matter how fun she is to spot on the street, will always be seated in the back. For obvious reasons.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Most everyone I know is surprised that my son has made it to the age of 10 1/2 without us finding out about this allergy. I'm not at all. He's always been a VERY picky eater and, as he is the second child and life must go on, I am frequently the Bad Mom who just lets him get away with not eating something rather than sitting at the dinner table for another four hours (though, usually, not without first threatening to feed him whatever he is ignoring for breakfast). Also, I have never forgotten an incident from my childhood when my brother (who was - and still is - allergic to a LOT of stuff including pistachios how did I not know this?) was forced to eat fish - which he always avoided because he "didn't like it." My father and grandfather had fished all day and my mom and grandma had gutted and cooked all evening and the men insisted that my brother try the fish, which he tearfully did, and then I remember being woken up from my bed on the couch when my parents had to rush my wheezing, puking brother to the hospital.
I realize that some kids (mine) need to be coerced into trying new foods but I've also kept that story in the back of my head and if one of my kids really really doesn't want something I usually don't force it. I believe that kids (like animals in the wild) avoid foods that are naturally dangerous to them.
Now, in my defense, my son eats Nutella (made from hazelnuts) nearly every day, eats peanut butter, and occasionally eats almonds. So when I offered him the pistachios last week I had no idea that he would end up being so allergic. I had no idea that you could be allergic to some tree nuts and not others. I had no idea that I am such a bad mom.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Now, I recently learned that my good friend Wendy, of Style Coach Studio, has become a Certified Etiquette Instructor so I announced at the table that I would be enlisting her services for a Cub Scout meeting in the fall because, really, most of those 10-year old boys could use someone telling them how to be a little more polite.
Or maybe it's just my kid. Maybe I'm the only mother with a kid shoving cake in his mouth. Perhaps not only the Cub Scouts will hate me, but their mothers as well.
Is there some kind of badge available for politeness? There should be.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Proof That My Husband And I Don't Need To Be In The Same Room Or Even On The Phone To Argue (An Email Exchange)
Him: Well I can't help then.
Me: I found one, thanks. (The "thanks" is totally sarcastic)
Him: Are you sure your ok if beau & I go to fl. july 4 wkend? Just remembered anniversary.
Me: You JUST remembered our Anniversary? Of course I'm fine. Go. (Note: I did not even point out that I'm being a martyr here)
Him: I DID remember a towel for Beau today.
Me: That's MUCH more important than remembering our Anniversary. (More sarcasm) And I happen to know that Alicia left you a note re: the towel.
Him: Yeah, well.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
This has actually worked pretty well. I feel a little calmer, a little more in control. I have accepted that I am a hyper-control freak but am learning when to stop trying to hyper-control something and move on to hyper-control something else. That, my friends, is progress.
But lately I feel thwarted.
Thwarted isn't quite the same as No! Thwarted is "Sure, you can do this, but not like you hoped/planned/started" and I am starting to dislike Thwarted as much as I dislike No! Especially when everything is getting Thwarted all at once. And I don't know if I need to apply my mantra to being Thwarted. Or even if I can. Thwarted is not the same as No! It's just....irksome. And I don't like being irked.
If fact, maybe that will be my new mantra. I think I'll get it on a shirt.
Don't Irk Me.
Though Don't Irk Me Around has a better ring to it, no?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
A whole stash of them! (The bunny sticker is courtesy of Bobby Mitchell).
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I've already detailed my love for purses here, and was SO excited to get my new Julie Lindsay Gold Messenger bag yesterday but now I need it to act like Spring outside because I am carrying my new Spring/Summer bag no matter the weather but am sure it would go better with some strappy sandals or my cute gold Tommy Hilfiger tennis shoes (that I SCORED for next to nothing at T. J. Maxx - it's fate!).
If you are a pursianado like I am (like that word? I just made it up!) then you need to check out all of Julie's bags. I first fell in lust with the Paris Tote that belongs to my friend Karen Buscemi and then saw Julie's bags featured in Fashion in Detroit. They are fabulous!
Come on Spring!
Friday, May 13, 2011
THEN I went to Customer Service for Somerset and asked for a gift card and they charged me a $2 fee.
Basically, when I'm buying a gift card I'm telling the recipient that they MUST shop at Somerset. I'm CHOOSING to send people to Somerset to shop. And I get charged for this? And yes, I realize that if I'm getting a gift card at Somerset I can probably afford the $2 but that is not the point. Somerset, you are lucky that tonight I was A) in a hurry and B) awake since 3:20 a.m. and didn't feel like driving to 12 Oaks or Home Depot or ANY other store that has gift cards and please note, Somerset, that I will NEVER buy gift cards from you again as long as you are charging for them.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Anyway, I had time to sneak in a nap today but dreamed that I was about to kiss that guy from The Monkees with no chin. I think it's Peter. We were in a helicopter and when he started kissing me I dream-thought 'This is exactly how I thought a guy with no chin would kiss!' and I couldn't stop kissing him even though I was totally grossed out.
And now you're totally grossed out too.
Monday, May 2, 2011
I Am NOT Complaining About Work I Am Complaining About All The Stupid Stuff I Used To Do When I Wasn't Working Full-Time
AND I still haven't worked out today.
But Daughter got to skating and Son is at baseball and everyone had dinner and lunches are made for tomorrow so I'm calling it a wash. And I don't want to say that I wasted time when I wasn't working. It didn't feel wasted. Everything I read/followed/obsessed over kept me up-to-date and entertained which, I'm sure, helped me land this job in the first place. or, at least, kept me up-to-date and entertained. But I could really use about 2.3 more hours in the day.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Eight weeks old and he's already a better actor than I am. Sigh.
Friday, April 15, 2011
My daughter gave me the brochure to sign her up for Segment II of Driving School. She took Segment I last summer and needed 30 hours of driving with a parent to be eligible to take Segment II. I don't have a problem with this; practice makes perfect. And I don't recall driving with my parents much when I had my Permit. I only remember my dad occasionally letting me drive the family the 1 1/2 miles home from church with a big grin on his face like I was a monkey who learned how to type. Then I got my license and was set loose on the unsuspecting drivers of the Flint area.
Anyway, the description for Segment II says it is 6 hours of lecture based on defensive driving. SO, my husband and I have just spent 30 hours in the car with our daughter WHO HAS NO DEFENSIVE DRIVING SKILLS!
I had already suspected this. She's somewhat cautious, but not in a watching-out-for-other-drivers kind of way. More like I-hope-I-remember-how-to-do-this. I'm suspicious that the Driving School people are joining up with the population control folks. And I'm very glad that I made my husband do most of the Permit passengering. He has more life insurance.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
I was SO impressive that my son thinks we should move to Washington D.C. so I can get a job with the real Secret Service and, while that sounds fun, I just landed a full-time gig and don't really feel like taking a bullet. Sorry, America.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I've also been fortunate enough to watch Son give Daughter darling little pep talks when she didn't want to force herself into the basement ("Don't you want colleges to keep sending you letters? They don't send you letters because you're dumb and you don't study!") and watch Daughter help Son with his Black History Month (wasn't that last month? Yet, here we are) project.
And they got SO excited when I ordered pizza for dinner and didn't make them eat any vegetables with it. They even chanted "Fun Mom! Fun Mom!" and what more could a hard-ass mom ask? It's nice to be the Fun Mom every once in a while. I'm usually the one riding them about homework and work ethic and civic responsibility and I have to admit that it's good to be the sugar-feeder occasionally.
And speaking of AND....Hubby called this morning to tell me that they had to take one member of their golfing quartet to the hospital because he has a kidney stone and, while I assumed that he was in the waiting room or heading back to the hotel for some rest, he informed me that the rest of them were heading to the golf course to play 18 holes! Because they could still make their tee time! Hospital Guy, who would apparently never know the difference because he was on a morphine drip, was left on his own. If the 3/4 Crew had left MY husband alone in a strange hospital in a strange city with strangers administering narcotics I would not be pleased. Is this what guys do?
Although, if he was given enough morphine they could probably tell him that he DID golf on Saturday and that he lost and owes each of them $50 for a bet over a missed putt. If I was a guy that's what I'd do. Because if you're gonna be a guy you might as well take it all the way.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"Don't worry! I just checked and the temperature in Phoenix is 85 degrees! Not a cloud in the sky!"
That's lovely, dear, and I hope that the large, spiky, metal object filled with over four ounces of unidentifiable fluid that I plan to hide in your suitcase doesn't keep you from missing your flight.
I also just happened to glance at the top row of my Internet Explorer which I never look at because, generally, when I open Internet Explorer it is NOT to explore but to go exactly where I want to go and for some reason, perhaps it is in cahoots with my husband, Internet Explorer is informing me that it is currently 79 degrees in Richardson, Texas and if I hear one more warm and sunny weather report for a city that I don't get to visit I am GOING TO SNAP!
Consider yourselves warned.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I was going to say "however" but there really is no "however." Sure, my marathon training and my reality TV watching time have suffered, but so what? I'll find a way to work them back in. Other people do it, right? Maybe not at the same time. Maybe you CAN'T Keep Up With The Kardashians (I really only wrote that because of the alliteration, I would NEVER watch that show) and attempt to train for a marathon at the same time. Especially when you're (ahem) over 40. Maybe I won't be able to keep up my amazing ability to make dinner AND the next day's lunches AT THE SAME TIME. Maybe this job won't last longer than this week. Whatever happens, I'm good. Sure, I may be a little more sleepy and a little more flabby and not up to speed on which Housewife isn't speaking to the other Housewives but I'll bounce back. I'm still (ahem) young.
Though if you really want me to remember something make sure I write it down. Otherwise......gone.
Friday, February 25, 2011
He's not going to keep the purse. The purse is part of Laughter Lifts You Up for Angela Hospice.
Hopefully you clicked on the links and read all about the event and the great work that Angela Hospice does so I can tell you about the purse. Because I know I'm not a big enough "celebrity" that anyone would really want my purse. But it's a great purse.
I spend money on purses. I like purses. I buy a purse and I carry it EVERY SINGLE DAY so it has to be durable and look good and go with everything.
And this purse. This purse is really special.
I found it right before I found out that my children's book, The Fairy Painting, was going to be published. But I wasn't working then and the purse cost several. hundred. dollars. (I told you I spend money on purses) and I'm just not the type of woman to go out and blow the grocery budget on a Cole Haan purse no matter how cute it is or how much I want it or how long it's been since I had bought anything for myself and did I mention that it had been a long time since I had bought anything for myself?
Anyway, when Mackinac Island Press told me they were sending me an advance for my book I started dating this white-with-green-trim-goes-with-everything-perfect-Cole Haan bag. I'd go visit it at Parisian every couple days and when the check finally arrived I could hardly wait to deposit that sucker and get my butt to Livonia and buy that purse and I carried it every single day for at least a year and then, yes, I did move on to another bag but then I loaned it to my darling niece for a couple months while she was job-hunting and then used it occasionally after she returned it and I can only HOPE that someone bids on my purse for the swag but then realizes what a covertly awesome bag it is and carries it every day with pride and when someone compliments her on it says with complete confidence "What? This old thing?"
I also hope it has the best swag.
And I hope you support Angela Hospice. It's a wonderful organization. They do such great work and have the most amazing people and I know that I would never be capable of doing what they do. All I can do is spend too much money on purses so they're available for auctions.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I'm thinking that Restoration Hardware needs a new Social Media/Marketing person or a new Event Planner. Or maybe both. Either way I'm tempted to show up at the mall and see what is ACTUALLY going on and maybe they did this on purpose knowing that my curiosity would get the better of me and I would have to show up and see what size needle they use to upholster a baby.
Well played, Restoration Hardware.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I did it. Went to the grocery store and stood in the Foils and Bags aisle whistling like an idiot waiting for it to clear out so I could take a picture of a happier package of plastic bags (which I DID purchase) and don't those Cheez-Its looks so happy and relaxed like "We're so happy, we can breeeeeeeathe! Look! Charlie's going for a ride! Whee! Wait a minute! Oh My God, Charlie! Charliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee! For the love of God someone's eaten Charlie!"
OK, so I guess there's not a happy ending for anything that ends up in a plastic sandwich bag, but I still don't need to see it telegraphed on the package.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Obviously I was not abducted and when I told my husband and children why I sent the text they gave me that just-nod-and-smile-but-don't-get-too-close-to-mom look as if that could never happen.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Today was a visit with THAT doctor and I had to fill him in on all the stuff I found out from the You're Getting Old Doctor and that I'm now taking thyroid medicine and Vitamin D because my body refuses to manufacture enough of either of those things (except, I guess, my body doesn't really manufacture thyroid, it's the thyroid that is supposed to do the manufacturing and like most small factories in the state of Michigan it has closed up shop. I blame the economy.) and THAT doctor asked me how I was feeling and I said "Well, I started the medication right before Christmas break and it was my son's birthday and I've been working more than usual because I'm the fill-in person and then the cat died so I could be feeling great but I have no way of knowing."
Then he gave me a weird look and offered me a B12 shot which I think is doctor-speak for "Please leave my office."