Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Anyway, this morning I was once again deleting spam from one of my AOL email accounts (Yes, I still use AOL and yet I am not a grandma. Go figure. And yes AOL spam filters are not that effective) and I delete one that says How To Wear Sweatpants in Public but then the curiosity drives me crazy and I have to go into Recently Deleted Mail and Restore it because since I turned 40 I have been experiencing issues with my waistbands and who wouldn't want to fashionably wear sweatpants in public if it, indeed, can be done.
Here's what the email said....
Comfort aside, sweats have suddenly emerged as a fashion do. However, there are rules to follow. We snagged a couple of pairs of Fruit of the Loom men's fleece sweatpants in black and gray and uncovered the fabulous ways of wearing sweatpants in public. Here's how to wear sweats with...
Then there was a slide show with pictures of all the different ways to "dress up" sweatpants and even where you could get the accessories to complete the look! Most of the "ensembles" simply fell under the category of Lame. Until this...
This is Julie. I'm going to assume that Julie was well-compensated for her day of modeling because it makes me feel better about this outfit. That's the only thing that makes me feel better about this outfit. From the bad necklace to the ridiculously large and poorly placed sweatpant cord that seems to be resembling a fake penis to the shoes....this outfit just screams "I need to rethink this whole "model" career path!"
While looking at the picture I couldn't stop thinking "The necklace? Really?" and "How the hell could she ride that bike in those shoes? For one thing they are too big! And wouldn't that heel get caught in the pedal? Or the spokes?"
Then there was this....
Becca gets extra points for looking just as confused and pissed off as she must have been when told she would be modeling sweatpants with granny boots while sitting on a fake antique chest. I just have to include the site description for this photo:
Sweat suits hit their peak in the 1970s but you can give them a romantic 1870s feel with lace-up boots, delicate chains, and a velvet blazer. Add a veiled cloche for an even more vintage feel.
I swear I am not trying to make up for not blogging in a while with an ultra-long post but "Dainty Details"??? WTF???? And I totally had to google "veiled cloche" in case it was another piece of furniture that one would be forced to have on them at all times to make the "vintage sweatpants" outfit really work but turns out it's just a hat.
Good night everyone.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Because something that makes me feel that bad can only be good for me....eventually. Right?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I am frickin' exhausted. I don't know if it's the weather, or if I'm really busier than usual ('cuz it feels like I'm busier but it could just feel busier because I am so. very. tired), or if I'm actually working out hard enough to actually tire my muscles (doubtful, but...maybe), or perhaps I am just as lazy as I've always feared but all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there for about 48 hours with no one bothering me and no meals to prepare and nowhere to go and nothing to clean.
Of course, the Voice In My Brain is having a field day with this exhaustion and keeps whispering things like "Cancer!" "Anemia!" and "Severe Mental Illness!!" which really isn't helping the situation and makes me want to take a vacation from my brain as well as from all the housework, etc.
Is it just me? Please say it's not just me.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
And am I the only one who enjoyed reading the list of what the Kilpatrick's spent their money on from October 2008 through October 2009? $2,676 on Maid Pro maid service? Do you have a maid, 'cuz I sure don't and I don't owe the city of Detroit a million dollars either! I'm also thinking that if they hadn't spent $485 on Chick-Fil-A and $303 on cheesecake and $98 at Smoothie King then they wouldn't have needed to spend $330 on a weight loss center and $145 on Beachbody fitness programs.
I'm just sayin'.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What kind of creature can go all bowlegged like that? And is it hiding in the bushes? Did it scramble onto the roof? Is it trying to get in right now and kill me? And why is it January 13 and I still haven't bought postcard stamps for my New Year postcards? Should I just write Happy Valentine's Day on them and wait a month? I mean, now that I've seen these tracks I can't leave the house to go buy stamps; what if it's waiting outside the garage? Was it watching me when I came home from the gym? What if it snuck in while the door was open and hid behind the trash can and it's in the garage right now!! What was that noise? Oh, it was the ice maker. Right? It was just the ice maker? But why did it sound like it was coming from the garage? What the hell is in my garage?
Monday, January 11, 2010
I am a little scared of my iPhone because it knows how to do a lot of things that I don't. For instance, I have Sync in my car but could never figure out how to really hook it up to my old phone and had to manually do it every time I got in the car but the minute I got into the car with my iPhone it was like Sync and my iPhone were old friends being reunited and they started doing all kinds of stuff like downloading my mailbox without me. And I'm starting to get worried that one of these days I'll get in the car and my Sync and my iPhone will have decided that I need to go to Five Guys and I'll be like "But I'm vegan!" but they won't care and the doors will lock by themselves and they'll drive me there and somehow force me to eat a burger.
And you might think it's a little ridiculous for me to think that but yesterday, when I was re-setting up my voicemail account (and WHY is voicemail the ONE thing that doesn't make the cut?) the iPhone computer voice lady is telling me that I need to think of a password and then - even though she's a computer! - she actually waits while I'm thinking of a password and she waits so long that I start to wonder if I won't even need to type the password in and maybe she knows what I'm thinking!
P.S. My iPhone is in the kitchen right now so it won't see me typing this. But it probably knows. It knows everything.
P.S.S. Yes, I know I am spoiled. My children keep reminding me of all the "stuff" I have and how spoiled I am and it's true, I am just plain spoiled these days. I have no idea why. Though I would like them to leave the dishwasher off the list because, yes, I did want a new dishwasher and I AM the only one who uses it but that still doesn't make it a "gift."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
And speaking of www.myfitnesspal.com, my sisters are totally kicking my ass. It's kind of like a social media dieting website; besides adding and subtracting my caloric intake for the day I can Friend people and even read blogs if I want to (Um, no, I have my own angsty weight battle story and don't really need to read yours, Oprah) so I Friended both my sisters on there and they are barely eating (for real) and it's not fair. Oh, they are actually weighing themselves too and then reporting how much weight they lose and www.myfitnesspal.com just LOVES to let me know that "Amy lost another 1.6 lbs today and has lost 7 lbs overall!"
Do you think taunting me is the best way to encourage me to lose weight, www.myfitnesspal.com? Do you?
AND, not only do both of them have a higher caloric "allowance" per day than I do, but www.myfitnesspal.com reports at the end of the day if you finish below your calorie goal and of course they both do every single day because they are barely eating (for real) and I just know that if they keep up (not) eating like this one or both of them is going to snap and I'm going to end up having to make a road trip and lure them down from the bell tower with a package of cookies or a pound cake or something.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Is that too much to ask?
I'm a little cranky because it's my first day without sugar in quite. some. time. and because my sisters jumped on this mypersonalfitness.com site for their diets and I got an iPhone for Christmas and mypersonalfitness.com has an App and my phone is still new enough that I'm a sucker for anything with an App so I joined too and typed in all the food I ate today and, really, the "healthy" Nut Mix looks just as bad for me as the Kettle Brand Salt and Freshly Ground Pepper potato chips so why didn't I just have TWO servings of potato chips which is what I really wanted in the first place?
What the hell was I talking about again?
Oh yeah. I'm hungry.