Bitter Cold

When it came down to it: I really wanted a trophy.

I know the whole thing was supposed to be about charity (and Successfully Single did raise a LOT of money for Habitat for Humanity. The event was sold out and the voting alone raised about $1100!) and having fun and I did meet a lot of really nice people and did something I never in my life thought I would ever do (dance in front of 800 people? I don't THINK so) but in the end, after I had worked so hard and made more than a few people believe I was really a dancer I just wanted to go home with a trophy so I'd have something to show for all my hard work and I KNOW that is the wrong attitude and I would NEVER EVER let my kids feel bad and bitter about not getting a trophy after learning a new skill and pushing themselves beyond what they thought they were capable of and having such a great time and finding out (again!) what great friends and family they have and I am embarrassed and ashamed that I feel that way at all and also have a horrible, horrible cold which I'm sure was totally caused by my bad attitude and I deserve to be all stuffed up and headachy and phlegmy and hoarse and yes I would do it all again even if I knew the result would be the same but....

I really wanted the trophy.

I'm so shallow.

Today's Obsession

Isn't it a mother's job to reassure her children, when they are sick, that they will recover and be just fine? Especially when they are little and their memories are so short that every illness seems like they've had it forever and they will always feel this way. (Sidebar: My daughter had the flu when she was 5 and felt horrible and said "Why did I have to get this? Why can't someone else get it instead of me?" and I said "You mean like me, or Daddy, or Grandma?" and she thought for a minute then said "Then I wish a bad guy would get it." which, if you think about it, would be a great crime deterrent. If our kids could just wish their ailments onto someone who is contemplating committing a crime it would solve a lot of problems because I imagine it's pretty hard to rob a bank or a liquor store when you have to stop and puke every few minutes.)

I'm pretty sure the mother in Macomb County who told her son that he was dying of leukemia has some mental illness of her own to deal with because I can't imagine being able to tell my child that he was dying even if he really was and now this poor kid has experienced the worst kind of betrayal because no matter what anyone says there will always be a part of him that believes his mother wanted him to die because she said he was.

I can't get this kid out of my mind. I want to find him and hold him and tell him that, even though I'm sure he feels like he can't trust anyone, that there are people who love him and want the best for him and wish they'd done a better job of protecting him against the one person he should have never needed protection against.