Things Overheard At The Nail Salon

"He has asthma, or something. It's like Autism."

This was from the woman who loosely described the plot of 5 independent films, 3 made-for-Lifetime movies, and 4 books to her poor, unsuspecting manicurist who may or may not speak English. Or who may have been pretending not to understand English so he wouldn't have to comment. She totally butchered the plot of The Hunger Games ("After the world ends, people all divide up into tribes and then the kids all meet once a year to fight"), and obviously has no clue about what constitutes asthma OR autism, so I'm guessing that most of the details she gave were incorrect/embellished/just plain wrong.

But she was entertaining. And she was something to listen to in an otherwise quiet salon. The owner argued with his client about the price of her manicure and pedicure off and on the whole time he was working on her, and the very nice woman who gave me a manicure spoke such poor English that I'm still not sure whether her husband was put away or whether he passed away and hope that I conveyed the correct amount of sympathy.

Birthday plans

This is how I plan to celebrate my birthday.

Eat cake for breakfast (it's a tradition)
Read the paper and find that I've won the Mega Millions Lottery ($12 Million!!)
Go to the gym (so I can eat more cake)
Try and get dressed only to discover that I've lost weight and my clothes are waaaay too big
Got to Target and Costco (this Target WILL have Berry Berry Kix dammit!)
Eat Berry Berry Kix for lunch
Eat more cake
Get a manicure
Take a nap (without smudging fresh nails)
Preside over harmonious and peaceful and loving after school/homework session
Get a call from agent - publisher wants my book!
Get call from agency - movie role audition that I am perfect for!
Get some checks in the mail (to tide me over until I collect my lotto winnings)
Take my family to dinner
Eat more cake
Read on my new Kindle while drinking champagne

Check back tomorrow to see how the day really went down.