Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
But I did not predict, nor do I think I could have predicted, that Tinker Bell would be found (tired, hungry, and muddy) because of a PET PSYCHIC!!!
Here's the story.
In case anyone was doubting that Michigan is capable of becoming the Hollywood of the Midwest it is now apparent that we have the talent, we're building the studios, and we even have made-for-TV stories!!
As for casting: I'm pretty sure all those dogs from Beverly Hills Chihuahua are still getting unemployment checks.
(My psychic prediction: Tinker Bell, her owner, and the pet psychic will end up on Oprah within a month.)
Monday, April 27, 2009
And then a bike.
And was the woman holding the dog when the wind whisked it away? Did she have to watch as her little dog went flying through the air? Or was Tinker Bell sitting at home, watching out the window for her owner to return and bring her treats from the Flea Market?
Did they ever find Tinker Bell? Did she land somewhere soft and survive?
I must face the fact: I am going to be obsessed with Tinker Bell all day.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Am I supposed to have lunch with her? And which Julie is it? I know a lot of Julie's. Is Julie sitting and waiting for me somewhere right now? What if it was coffee. Am I meeting Julie for coffee? Is it her birthday? Do I owe her money?
Julie - whoever and wherever you are, I'm sorry I'm so forgetful. Have a great day. And when you repeat this story please change my name.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Therefore, I'm hanging up.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
"Yes, I did."
"Is Trader Joe's a place where you can go trade stuff?"
"Yes, you trade money for groceries."
"I mean can you trade a shirt for a ham?"
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
So you see; funk.
And I’ve tried everything to get out of it. I tried reading Jen Lancaster and the Fug Girls, two things which usually cheer me right up. I tried watching a DVR’d episode of 30 Rock that I missed a few weeks ago (only to find that it wasn’t still on there because God Forbid we run out of room on the DVR for The Suite Life of Zach and Cody!). Nothing worked.
At first I didn't get too excited because it could be a package for someone else in the house. I didn't even run to meet him at the door like usual. But my nonchalance was completely unwarranted because....
It's for me!
And I don't even care that my Product Junkie secret is out! Want one of your own? Go here.
(I'm also a little happier/feeling stupid because I just realized while writing this that I can watch full episodes of 30 Rock online.)
Friday, April 10, 2009
It reminds me of years ago, when I was working in radio, and one of my male co-hosts brings up the topic of male menopause. So I let him go on and on for a while about how hard it is and how the men need this and that and should be treated gently and get time off of work and then I finally say what I'm pretty sure 90% of our audience is thinking (and our audience was like 90% women) "Tell you what; when you carry the kids around then you can HAVE menopause. And though I haven't experienced it myself, from what I understand it's not all that fun and not something you guys should be trying to take over."
OK, maybe I am a bitch.
(When we got off the air this guy LOST IT and yelled at me "I just wanted to have a f**king conversation about menopause WITHOUT bringing up women!" Yeah, I know.)
Aren't things like post-partum depression and menopause controlled by hormones? It's been a while since I had a science class and I get that girls aren't 100% estrogen and boys aren't 100% testosterone and there's a lot of gray area but, in this guys' case at least, why not just call it what it really is: mourning for the loss of his former life.
You know why? THAT sounds too selfish.
And I think that some guys (not necessarily this guy, I never said that!) think women use post-partum depression and various other medically-named things to get out of stuff. They think we feel a little sad and slap a medical-sounding name on it so we can get away with more. Or less. Like lying in bed after you've had a baby and the laundry is piling up and the dirt is piling up and people keep showing up and you just can't face them is a FANTASTIC way to spend the day.
And maybe this guy really did have post-partum depression. Female hormones are strong enough to make an entire sorority house menstruate at the same time; pulling one unsuspecting guy into post-partum depression was probably a piece of cake.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I'm a little nervous, the last time I actually did something about my cholesterol was when I was 30 and my doctor said that birth control could be a contributing factor so I quit taking the pill and dieted for a month. 30 days later my cholesterol was normal and I was pregnant. Surprise.
I started Vegan Quest 2009 on Monday and lasted until dinner, when I had a ham and cheese Olga's. (Have you ever had Olga's? To. Die. For.) I might have had a french fries too. I can't really remember; I was a little delirious from no meat or cheese for the entire day.
So now, it's Thursday. Right? It's Thursday? I've managed to hang in there, but not without a struggle. After lunch today I an apple with Nutella and almond slivers and was feeling pretty darn good about myself until a friend on Facebook (who I am seriously considering unfriending right now) told me that Nutella has dairy in it.
Who put f**king milk in Nutella?
For dinner I made baked potato skins. They are somewhat a specialty of mine (i.e. one of the three things I make that everyone in the family will eat) but instead of awesomely gooey melted cheese mine were topped with sauteed spinach and grilled onions.
There is a small part of me that hopes that when this 30-day hellperiment is over my LDL has not budged because then I can just go out and buy an extra-large bottle of Crestor and a bacon-blue cheese burger.