Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Dinner Table Conversation

Daughter: Guess who was on Gossip Girl last night?

Son: Betty White!!?!!

(I think this brief conversation tells you all you need to know about my (lack of) parenting skills. My 15-year old daughter was thrilled that Tim Gunn was on Gossip Girl and my 9-year old son knew that Betty White has been on everything lately and would be a good punchline.)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Minority of Me

I'm sure you can count on one hand the number of people who have received in the same mail delivery 1) a congratulatory note from their dance partner and 2) a 5-page letter from a prisoner they attended Jr. High with.

(Yeah, I'm not happy with the last sentence either, but I've been sitting her rewriting it for 10 minutes and can't get it to work any other way so I'm just going to leave it because it says exactly what I was trying to say even if it's not doing it very gracefully or correctly. Sometimes it's hard to make grammar behave. It's like my son, who made his bed this morning but managed to put the comforter on sideways. Yes, the comforter is technically on the bed but he knows it's not right and I know it's not right and I'm sure the comforter knows it's not right. And speaking of not right, my husband wasn't thrilled with the prisoner letter even after I told him that the guy remembered me from Jr. High because (apparently) I was a really nice girl back then and I guess I shouldn't have expected my husband to believe it because I don't keep this house running by being a nice girl but if someone from his past popped up and said they remembered him because he was really helpful and kind I would at least call his parents to confirm before I started acting all surprised and saying things like "Are you sure he doesn't have you confused with someone else?")

Monday, October 18, 2010

Bitter Cold

When it came down to it: I really wanted a trophy.

I know the whole thing was supposed to be about charity (and Successfully Single did raise a LOT of money for Habitat for Humanity. The event was sold out and the voting alone raised about $1100!) and having fun and I did meet a lot of really nice people and did something I never in my life thought I would ever do (dance in front of 800 people? I don't THINK so) but in the end, after I had worked so hard and made more than a few people believe I was really a dancer I just wanted to go home with a trophy so I'd have something to show for all my hard work and I KNOW that is the wrong attitude and I would NEVER EVER let my kids feel bad and bitter about not getting a trophy after learning a new skill and pushing themselves beyond what they thought they were capable of and having such a great time and finding out (again!) what great friends and family they have and I am embarrassed and ashamed that I feel that way at all and also have a horrible, horrible cold which I'm sure was totally caused by my bad attitude and I deserve to be all stuffed up and headachy and phlegmy and hoarse and yes I would do it all again even if I knew the result would be the same but....

I really wanted the trophy.

I'm so shallow.

Friday, October 15, 2010

It's D-Day (D is for Dance)

I know I've been writing a lot about dancing lately because, yes, it has taken over my life and the competition is tonight and I don't know if I'm supposed to show up wearing my dress or get ready there and whether or not the heel cover on my niece's dance shoe that I danced right off will hold tonight after I had to E600 that sucker back on and I hope it doesn't go flying off and hit someone in the eye or something though I guess I'll know after my last practice today that I wasn't going to have but when we showed up for our couple's dance lesson on Wednesday night my husband asked Tino (my partner) if I was ready and Tino said "No!" and Husband was all "She's not scheduled to practice on Friday! She needs to practice on Friday or she's going to forget everything!" and I said "Fine!" and gave Tino a dirty look for throwing me under the bus and scheduled one last practice for today, but Husband is right, I probably would have forgotten the whole routine by tonight so it's probably a good thing but my back is killing me (thought that's probably because I decided to try running again the other day which might not have been the best idea since I am out of pain pills and refuse to schedule an appointment to see my doctor because his office is right in the middle of all the construction on Telegraph and I'll have to add another 45 minutes just to get in and out of the parking lot) and are you exhausted yet? WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Save The Last Dance (Lesson)

Today was my next-to-last dance lesson which means tomorrow is the last one and then it's Friday and I'm in a blinged-up, tight dress shaking it in front of nearly 800 people.

I know all I have to do is sell it but I'm not sure I can pull off looking confident while counting 1-2-34 in my head and trying to remember to put all the weight on my back leg and what my arms are supposed to do and when I bodyroll start with my head and point my toes and oh yeah SMILE!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I Admit I'm Not An Artist

I felt the need to do something creative yesterday after decorating the house for Halloween so I found a blank canvas and painted a picture of a witch. I've never been incredibly artistic but I figured that something colorful and kitschy wouldn't be too embarrassing but apparently I was wrong because this morning my husband said "Nice of your niece to paint us a picture." My niece is 9 and is probably a better artist than I am and I never claimed to be talented but, really, that was a little hurtful and now I'm thinking of painting all kinds of bad Halloween pictures and filling up the house with them and then maybe I'll move on Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then I'm sure I can come up with all kinds of misshapen hearts for Valentine's Day and maybe that will teach him not to make fun of my bad art.

Or maybe it will just teach me to stop trying to paint.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sorry Your Agent Is A Loser

Regardless of how I feel about the offer on my house that was 22% below asking price, I feel sorry for the couple who obviously want to move into my sub but find themselves saddled with a real estate agent who has labeled himself "an expert" on my sub and, yet, has lost this family three different houses in the sub.

To said agent: I'm sure you think you are doing your homework but a house the same size as mine on a main road 6 miles north in a different school district is not really a "comp." You're welcome.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Selling Our House Is Going To Leave Us Broke

That title doesn't even make sense, does it? That's how exhausted I am from cleaning and hiding crap and yelling at everyone to Clean up the cat food! and Close the toilet lids! And yes, we've already been through the "THAT's going to sell the house" arguments. Still. It's only polite to close the toilet lid. And make sure the cat food is cleaned up and there's no food just lying in the sink which tends to happen a lot in this house because apparently I am the ONLY person who knows how to rinse things down the sink and use the disposal.

I've lost track of how many showings we've had already. I do know that we've been forced to eat out three times now and I'm wondering if we're going to go broke from eating in restaurants before we even get this house sold. Not that restaurants don't need and deserve our business, but we're usually not an Eating Out Every Night type of family and, besides the cost, today I ate half a Margarita Pizza and a slice of apple pie (OK, and a glass of wine) and, sure, we might sell this house but not before I put on 20 lbs.

I've also bought two Mega Millions tickets because the ONE house I've found that I would be happy moving into is out of our reach financially and I foolishly thought that Fate wanted us to have the house and would, therefore, provide the means to pay for it via some sort of Lottery windfall but now I'm wondering if it's just Kate and not Fate that wants us to have that house and while Kate wants us to have it Kate doesn't really have the means to make sure it happens; she's just a really nice girl who wants everyone to get everything they want and to be happy. Thanks Kate. Now I'm sure to be disappointed. You have failed.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Today's Obsession

Isn't it a mother's job to reassure her children, when they are sick, that they will recover and be just fine? Especially when they are little and their memories are so short that every illness seems like they've had it forever and they will always feel this way. (Sidebar: My daughter had the flu when she was 5 and felt horrible and said "Why did I have to get this? Why can't someone else get it instead of me?" and I said "You mean like me, or Daddy, or Grandma?" and she thought for a minute then said "Then I wish a bad guy would get it." which, if you think about it, would be a great crime deterrent. If our kids could just wish their ailments onto someone who is contemplating committing a crime it would solve a lot of problems because I imagine it's pretty hard to rob a bank or a liquor store when you have to stop and puke every few minutes.)

I'm pretty sure the mother in Macomb County who told her son that he was dying of leukemia has some mental illness of her own to deal with because I can't imagine being able to tell my child that he was dying even if he really was and now this poor kid has experienced the worst kind of betrayal because no matter what anyone says there will always be a part of him that believes his mother wanted him to die because she said he was.

I can't get this kid out of my mind. I want to find him and hold him and tell him that, even though I'm sure he feels like he can't trust anyone, that there are people who love him and want the best for him and wish they'd done a better job of protecting him against the one person he should have never needed protection against.