What kind of creature can go all bowlegged like that? And is it hiding in the bushes? Did it scramble onto the roof? Is it trying to get in right now and kill me? And why is it January 13 and I still haven't bought postcard stamps for my New Year postcards? Should I just write Happy Valentine's Day on them and wait a month? I mean, now that I've seen these tracks I can't leave the house to go buy stamps; what if it's waiting outside the garage? Was it watching me when I came home from the gym? What if it snuck in while the door was open and hid behind the trash can and it's in the garage right now!! What was that noise? Oh, it was the ice maker. Right? It was just the ice maker? But why did it sound like it was coming from the garage? What the hell is in my garage?
On open letter to the lady in my neighborhood:
18 hours ago