My husband is leaving for his annual golf trip in a few days and THIS is what I've been hearing at least twice a day for the last week:
"Don't worry! I just checked and the temperature in Phoenix is 85 degrees! Not a cloud in the sky!"
That's lovely, dear, and I hope that the large, spiky, metal object filled with over four ounces of unidentifiable fluid that I plan to hide in your suitcase doesn't keep you from missing your flight.
I also just happened to glance at the top row of my Internet Explorer which I never look at because, generally, when I open Internet Explorer it is NOT to explore but to go exactly where I want to go and for some reason, perhaps it is in cahoots with my husband, Internet Explorer is informing me that it is currently 79 degrees in Richardson, Texas and if I hear one more warm and sunny weather report for a city that I don't get to visit I am GOING TO SNAP!
Consider yourselves warned.
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago