I'm incredibly grateful to have two healthy children. However, should two healthy children be THIS high-maintenance? This is what drove me to drink:
1. Watching my son have to Turn His Head and Cough for the first time.
2. Watching that procedure take 7x longer than it should because Son could not stop giggling.
3. Listening as Son gave Dr. essay-length answers to every question - even the Yes or No questions.
4. Having the nurse come in and tell me that she couldn't draw blood from Daughter because she was crying. (Daughter is 14 but has a very real phobia about blood; last time she cut herself she fainted).
5. Walking in Daughter's room after exam and having her shriek "I feel violated!" (Dr. is a woman, btw, and did nothing undoctorlike).
6. Holding Son while he cried through blood being drawn from his finger.
7. Being told that Daughter needed two shots. She gets so worked up about it that I told Dr. not to tell her until the shots were ready. When I went in Daughter's room she asked me if she needed shots. I couldn't lie; but did only tell her one instead of two. (She actually did fine during the shots AND getting blood drawn but by then I was a wreck.)
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago