I don't like to admit this, but I have battled depression on and off - for most of my life, I think. I don't like to admit it because it makes me feel weak, but I don't think of anyone else who is dealing with depression as weak. I think that's how it gets you.
For whatever reasons, it's been a rough couple months. And nothing I've been doing has seemed to help. I'm not myself. I'm not my best self with the people who love me (and probably not for the people who listen either).
And I'm tired of not being my best self. Or even being a better self than I'm being right now.
Yesterday, I was checking Facebook and one of my friends had shared an article about how people who live with gratitude live longer. I clicked on the little thing that said Save For Later and of course I can't find it now. Frustrating.
But, I remembered the article when I got up this morning and decided to switch out the word "have" with "get" for the day. And to write down these switches so I wouldn't forget them.
Because, while I know that depression has nothing to do with will power or how strong of a person I am, I also know that the human brain is an amazing thing. I am going to force my brain to work for me instead of against me.
So when my alarm went off in the middle of the night I changed "I have to go to work" to "I get to go to work and talk on the radio."
And when I was getting frustrated because the web site wasn't cooperating while I was trying to write a post I changed "I have to write a post" to "I get to help my friends get the word out about the important work they are doing."
When I realized I hadn't talked to my dad in a good couple weeks I thought "I get to call my dad and talk to him whenever I want to." (I didn't call him today, though. Sorry Dad! I was running around all day. I promise to call tomorrow!)
I get to go work out with a personal trainer.
I get to help with costumes for the school musical.
I get to live long enough to start looking old.
I'm keeping this up. I feeling like it's helping already. Though the session with the trainer, Jaclyn, probably didn't hurt : ) Exercise is great for your brain.
And, please, if you EVER hear me say "I have to do" anything correct me and say "You GET to do that."
And to anyone else dealing with depression or the blues or just feeling down in the dumps, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there.
And if anyone knows how to find articles you have Saved For Later on Facebook, please email me!
Day six. STILL ALIVE.
7 hours ago