I wish I knew if his name is Benny or Bernie. Not that it really matters, but I heard "Shut up Benny!" or "Shut up Bernie!" so many times at the Tigers game last night that you would think I would have been able to figure out what the drunken frat boy's name was. Although I never learned his true identity I DID learn a few things about him:
A) He is loud
B) He was drunk
C) He "loves his Tigers."
D) Shoes make him walk like a chicken.
This idiot started yelling at the start of last night's game. He was two or three rows behind us but might as well have been screaming into a megaphone right into the back of my head, THAT is how loud he was. He was also throwing around a lot of "F**k that!" and "F**kin' Tigers!" which I did not appreciate because my kids attend a lot of games with my husband and there were other children in our section. When he started yelling the woman to my left sighed and flinched (Really, it is nearly impossible to describe just how LOUD this guy was) and I said "I say we all pitch in and buy him more drinks until he passes out." Until the Tigers got up to bat he was merely annoying. Then he turned Ridiculous. "Leeeeeeeeeeet's goooooooooo, Graaaaaaaaaaanderson! Leeeeeeeeeeeet's goooooooooo, Graaaaaaaaaaaanderson!" I wanted to tell him to shut up, we were in section 314, and there was no way Granderson could actually hear him except that he was SO LOUD that he probably could. And just when you would think that Frat boy couldn't possibly have any lung capacity or voice left, he'd give an even louder "Leeeeeeeeet's gooooooooo, Graaaaaaaaaanderson!" Our row was slightly relieved when he hopped out of his seat and stood on the stairs to continue his cheering only because his loud voice was no longer hitting us in the back of the head. Then he skipped down (barefoot, why?) to the stairwell where the Security Guys stand and started doing an Operatic version of the cheer - holding out the final syllable of the players name with one hand in the air and the other on his chest like a Diva wearing a hat with horns. (We all had to admit that it was impossible not to admire his lung capacity.)
But then....the Security Guy whose post he had usurped reappeared and sent him back to his seat where he insisted to his buddies (who seemed to be sitting suspiciously farther and farther away from as they yelled "Shut up Benny!" or "Shut up Bernie!") that they should dare him to run out onto the field and that he was going to "F**kin' WILL the Tigers to victory" all by himself. There were a lot of F-bombs and one guy eventually yelled "That's enough." Nothing stopped him, though, including the chastisement from Tigers Security because a few minutes later he was again standing at the post he'd been forced out of and the Security Guy was sending him back to his seat. He put up a bit of a fuss and Security Guy put in the call for back-up.
He scurried back up to his seat and when the Security Duo approached him he stared straight ahead like "maybe if I don't look at them they won't know it's me." They told him to remain in his seat. "But I can cheer, right?" he said. They agreed that he could cheer, but no more profanity. "I NEVER used profanity!" he said and at this point my husband turned around and said "You most certainly did!" and the guy stuck his lower lip out and gave my husband the boo-boo face like "Dude! Why would you tell on me!"
We got up and left. There happened to be two vacant seats along the rail and we sat there, waiting for this idiot to get himself thrown out of the game. He did eventually walk out with his buddies, who had apparently forced him to put his shoes back on. They did not look happy. He looked like a drunken chicken.
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago