Dear Clothing Designers, Manufacturers, and Sellers,
I am here to tell you how to double your sales and decrease your costs.
Fire the extra tall, boy-hipped, surgically enhanced models. Yes, your clothes look great on them. Everyone’s clothes, from Gautier to Wal-Mart, look great on them. You’re not saying anything new. Hire some real women to model your clothes. I know what you’re thinking “But you buy our clothes because they look so good on the model that you think they will make you look good too.” You’re half right. I used to buy your clothes for that reason, but I have a learning curve and I have finally made it over the bell or out of the dip or whatever you’d like to call it. I have finally realized that I will never be 5’10” (or sadly, even 5’5”), I will never – barring serious illness – weigh 110 lbs, and I will never look as good in your clothes as the models.
I am also armed with something besides knowledge. I have money. I have money to spend on clothes that flatter my figure. I know there are clothes out there that flatter the average figure; I’ve stumbled on a few pieces while on extensive shopping expeditions. But you could make it easier for me to spend my money if you simply show me your clothes on a variety of figures. I will immediately be able to see which items will look better on me and I can give you my money much, much faster. It’s win-win.
Perhaps you should visit with some shoe designers; they seem to have already figured this out. Sure there are a few styles that only look good (but probably aren’t comfortable) on long, narrow feet, but most designers are making all kinds of cute shoes in size 9 and 10 and C and D widths. Those of us with a wider foot and second toe that is longer than the big toe (you know that’s a sign of intelligence, right?) know exactly who these designers are and our closets are filled to bursting with their shoes, boots and sandals.
A special note to lingerie designers: my husband also has a learning curve. He has finally realized that no matter what he buys, the minute I put it on he and I both realize – but definitely do not say out loud - that it doesn’t look nearly as sexy on me as it did on the mannequin. It probably looked sexier on the hanger than it does on me. Show lingerie on real women with poochy tummies, cellulite, and back fat. Imagine the loyalty you will create when I try on a gift from my husband and we both see that it is MORE flattering on me than on the model. You’d have to pay us to stay out of your store!
Perhaps that is what you would like to do – keep me out of your store. You work hard on your clothes and maybe you just don’t want to see them on less than perfect figures. That is certainly your prerogative, and there seem to be women who are willing to starve and carve their bodies to look good in whatever you design. I have a feeling, though, that even they have a learning curve.
On open letter to the lady in my neighborhood:
6 hours ago