My Kids (And Did I Mention That I'm Glad I'm Not A Guy?)

I try to pretend that I'm not a big sap about my kids but, really, I am. It's just us this weekend, as Hubby is away at his annual golf outing, and I've spent the weekend nagging Son about finishing up a big project and watched as Daughter relocated herself in the basement away from all the distractions that her room and its plethora of technology has to offer to study for finals.

I've also been fortunate enough to watch Son give Daughter darling little pep talks when she didn't want to force herself into the basement ("Don't you want colleges to keep sending you letters? They don't send you letters because you're dumb and you don't study!") and watch Daughter help Son with his Black History Month (wasn't that last month? Yet, here we are) project.

And they got SO excited when I ordered pizza for dinner and didn't make them eat any vegetables with it. They even chanted "Fun Mom! Fun Mom!" and what more could a hard-ass mom ask? It's nice to be the Fun Mom every once in a while. I'm usually the one riding them about homework and work ethic and civic responsibility and I have to admit that it's good to be the sugar-feeder occasionally.

And speaking of AND....Hubby called this morning to tell me that they had to take one member of their golfing quartet to the hospital because he has a kidney stone and, while I assumed that he was in the waiting room or heading back to the hotel for some rest, he informed me that the rest of them were heading to the golf course to play 18 holes! Because they could still make their tee time! Hospital Guy, who would apparently never know the difference because he was on a morphine drip, was left on his own. If the 3/4 Crew had left MY husband alone in a strange hospital in a strange city with strangers administering narcotics I would not be pleased. Is this what guys do?

Although, if he was given enough morphine they could probably tell him that he DID golf on Saturday and that he lost and owes each of them $50 for a bet over a missed putt. If I was a guy that's what I'd do. Because if you're gonna be a guy you might as well take it all the way.

Stop Taunting Me With The Temperature!

My husband is leaving for his annual golf trip in a few days and THIS is what I've been hearing at least twice a day for the last week:

"Don't worry! I just checked and the temperature in Phoenix is 85 degrees! Not a cloud in the sky!"

That's lovely, dear, and I hope that the large, spiky, metal object filled with over four ounces of unidentifiable fluid that I plan to hide in your suitcase doesn't keep you from missing your flight.

Love you!!

I also just happened to glance at the top row of my Internet Explorer which I never look at because, generally, when I open Internet Explorer it is NOT to explore but to go exactly where I want to go and for some reason, perhaps it is in cahoots with my husband, Internet Explorer is informing me that it is currently 79 degrees in Richardson, Texas and if I hear one more warm and sunny weather report for a city that I don't get to visit I am GOING TO SNAP!

Consider yourselves warned.

Work

Yes, boys and girls, Today's Distraction is an old-fashioned, punch-in-at-4 a.m.-punch-out-at-noon job. Which I am very grateful for. I'm filling in this week on the Bobby Mitchell Show with Chuck Gaidica on 104.3 WOMC (and thank God they don't make me say that whole title every time I do a traffic report) and I'm working with some lovely gentlemen and get to see some old friends and coworkers again so it's alllllllllll good.

I was going to say "however" but there really is no "however." Sure, my marathon training and my reality TV watching time have suffered, but so what? I'll find a way to work them back in. Other people do it, right? Maybe not at the same time. Maybe you CAN'T Keep Up With The Kardashians (I really only wrote that because of the alliteration, I would NEVER watch that show) and attempt to train for a marathon at the same time. Especially when you're (ahem) over 40. Maybe I won't be able to keep up my amazing ability to make dinner AND the next day's lunches AT THE SAME TIME. Maybe this job won't last longer than this week. Whatever happens, I'm good. Sure, I may be a little more sleepy and a little more flabby and not up to speed on which Housewife isn't speaking to the other Housewives but I'll bounce back. I'm still (ahem) young.

Though if you really want me to remember something make sure I write it down. Otherwise......gone.

A Purse for Don and Angela Hospice

Today I had lunch with my friend Don Tanner and I gave him a purse.

He's not going to keep the purse. The purse is part of Laughter Lifts You Up for Angela Hospice.

Hopefully you clicked on the links and read all about the event and the great work that Angela Hospice does so I can tell you about the purse. Because I know I'm not a big enough "celebrity" that anyone would really want my purse. But it's a great purse.

I spend money on purses. I like purses. I buy a purse and I carry it EVERY SINGLE DAY so it has to be durable and look good and go with everything.

And this purse. This purse is really special.

I found it right before I found out that my children's book, The Fairy Painting, was going to be published. But I wasn't working then and the purse cost several. hundred. dollars. (I told you I spend money on purses) and I'm just not the type of woman to go out and blow the grocery budget on a Cole Haan purse no matter how cute it is or how much I want it or how long it's been since I had bought anything for myself and did I mention that it had been a long time since I had bought anything for myself?

Anyway, when Mackinac Island Press told me they were sending me an advance for my book I started dating this white-with-green-trim-goes-with-everything-perfect-Cole Haan bag. I'd go visit it at Parisian every couple days and when the check finally arrived I could hardly wait to deposit that sucker and get my butt to Livonia and buy that purse and I carried it every single day for at least a year and then, yes, I did move on to another bag but then I loaned it to my darling niece for a couple months while she was job-hunting and then used it occasionally after she returned it and I can only HOPE that someone bids on my purse for the swag but then realizes what a covertly awesome bag it is and carries it every day with pride and when someone compliments her on it says with complete confidence "What? This old thing?"

I also hope it has the best swag.

And I hope you support Angela Hospice. It's a wonderful organization. They do such great work and have the most amazing people and I know that I would never be capable of doing what they do. All I can do is spend too much money on purses so they're available for auctions.

Bid away.

I'm Pretty Sure That's Against The Law

I just got an email from Restoration Hardware that says "The Baby and Child Upholstery Event Has Begun!" and WHY are they upholstering babies and children? That seems cruel and unusual and probably against the law.

I'm thinking that Restoration Hardware needs a new Social Media/Marketing person or a new Event Planner. Or maybe both. Either way I'm tempted to show up at the mall and see what is ACTUALLY going on and maybe they did this on purpose knowing that my curiosity would get the better of me and I would have to show up and see what size needle they use to upholster a baby.

Well played, Restoration Hardware.

Goodbye

When you're a kid and you are hanging out with your cousins and your aunt and uncle are the boss of you pretty much the same as your parents you don't think about growing up and, not really growing apart but losing that day-to-day sense of family that you have felt since you were born, then eventually only seeing them at events like weddings or graduations or vacations because they have moved far away; and, you-the-kid, you certainly don't look ahead to the day when you might lose one of them and find yourself wondering if you let your Aunt know that you know you took her for granted when you were a kid but that when you grew up you realized just how amazing and kind and talented and real she really was and that you also know that part of the reason you are the person you are today is because of her influence when you were young and you are so very grateful to have had her for an aunt even though you know you were terrible at letting her know.

This Is The Problem With Generic Products - No Marketing (Updated)

Every time I see this picture on the package of generic sandwich bags I shudder because doesn't it look like the sandwich is trying to escape from death by suffocation? It's so disturbing. They may as well print "We Guarantee Your Sandwich Will Be Dead By Lunch Time" on the box. Or maybe that's inferred. Or maybe I accidentally bought Kevorkian-brand sandwich bags thinking they were generic. Either way, I've had this box for about two years now because I get so disturbed looking at the picture that after a few days I buy a new package of non-murderous sandwich bags and throw this package in the bottom drawer "for emergencies" and I'm obviously out of sandwich bags and don't want to go to the store today because it's cold AND it's supposed to snow some more but I'm going to have to go because if I have to open up the drawer and see that picture one more day I may get homicidal.

I did it. Went to the grocery store and stood in the Foils and Bags aisle whistling like an idiot waiting for it to clear out so I could take a picture of a happier package of plastic bags (which I DID purchase) and don't those Cheez-Its looks so happy and relaxed like "We're so happy, we can breeeeeeeathe! Look! Charlie's going for a ride! Whee! Wait a minute! Oh My God, Charlie! Charliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee! For the love of God someone's eaten Charlie!"

OK, so I guess there's not a happy ending for anything that ends up in a plastic sandwich bag, but I still don't need to see it telegraphed on the package.