A few months ago in a fit of lack-of-income panic I signed up on a couple of career/resume websites. I answered a few questions and uploaded my resume. I’ve applied for a few jobs through them but have never heard back from anyone. However, I have been receiving emails like this:
I recently noticed your resume posted online and think you might be a good match for a position with one of my clients. Due to your background in the business field, I would like to invite you to apply for the following job.
Sr. Recruiter, CN HR Division
I have a few questions for Christian. Like exactly what in my background of making commercials and writing essays led him to believe that I know anything about farming? And what “background in the business field” did he see on my resume? Do I appear to be so desperate for a job that I will jump at the first Farm Technician position that comes along? And what about professional Farm Technicians – I would think that they would be a little (or a LOT) offended that Christian thinks that an English major who went on to work as a radio and TV personality is even remotely qualified to do their job.
I may have exaggerated a few of my skills and abilities on my resume but nothing to the degree that would make a sane person believe I have any idea of what a Farm Technician even does! I do feel qualified to suggest that if you are one of Christian’s “clients” you find yourself a new recruiter tout de suite!
And if there are any Farm Technicians out there who are looking for a new gig, I am happy to pass along Christian’s email.
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago