Porn in my mailbox

This morning I was deleting the email in the Spam box and came across one that said “Blow up her sofa.” I did not recognize the address and assumed it was sexual (as most of them are) and deleted it. But then I began to wonder…

Because I have no idea what “blow up her sofa” means. Am I that old? I realize it’s been a good long time since sexual metaphors crept into my conversation on a regular basis (Thank God!) but am I so old that I don’t even recognize them anymore? Usually I can figure out what the metaphor is representing, but this one had me stumped. No matter how much I thought about it, it just sounded painful and unnecessary. Perhaps her sofa would just like to be stroked and talked kindly to.

Thanks to Jen Lancaster, Chick Lit Memoirist Extraordinaire, I am now familiar with a website called Urbandictionary.com which will give you the definition of all those phrases and metaphors that you can’t quite figure out. (There is a hilarious scene in one of her books with her mother insisting that someone tell her what a “reach around” is. It was painful and hysterical.) So I tried the site but there is no definition – yet – for “blow up her sofa.”

I still did not want to open the email. I have, unsuspectingly, opened too much porn for my liking lately and have no interest in seeing whatever grotesque, misshapen, and odd positions people will put themselves in to achieve the sofa blowing up…so I googled it. The first sites that came up led to Canadian pharmacy sites promoting Viagra.

Really, Canada? Blow Up Her Sofa is the best you can come up with? That explains a lot.