So, I’m in the bread aisle trying to find the loaf of bread that matches the picture on my coupon (yes, I shop with coupons, it’s kind of a challenge, like locating said loaf of bread) and about 8 feet away stands an older woman checking out bread sans coupon when suddenly she lets out the loudest, longest, frat-boy fart I have heard since college.
The fart was so long that I actually had to time to A) stop looking at bread, B) locate the farter, then C) think “Oh my God, is that woman farting right here in the bread aisle? She is! She is standing here farting in the bread aisle!”
Then she calmly walked away, leaving behind an odor so bad that I quickly grabbed ANY loaf of bread and ran because the plastic was starting to melt off of the loaves.
And I didn’t want any bread-aisle newcomers to think it was me.
What is going on here? What is with all the public display of disgustingness in the grocery store? I know that farting is a natural thing, but how about an “Excuse me?” Not only did this woman ruin my shopping, she also made me write about farts! Not my usual topic of choice.
Am I alone in this? Is anyone else being accosted by old people grossness? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
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2 comments:
Thanks for the laugh, Stacey! I had a similar experience with an older lady in Italy. We were on an Art and Architecture tour, and she loudly and boldly let it fly right in front of the tour guide while a large group of us were gathered, listening to his shpeel. It was like a foghorn blocking out the guide's voice. The younger man next to the offending woman (I'm assuming her son, poor guy) leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which she grandly replied, "I don't care."
I right then and there decided this would NOT be me when I'm 80! So far, so good.
It's not so much grossness as it some not-give-a-shit-ness. I find as people get older they just don't care what people think and in a way, maybe it's healthy. I would just as soon not be around though.
Also: I think a lot of men do this though less grandly.
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