So, I’m in the bread aisle trying to find the loaf of bread that matches the picture on my coupon (yes, I shop with coupons, it’s kind of a challenge, like locating said loaf of bread) and about 8 feet away stands an older woman checking out bread sans coupon when suddenly she lets out the loudest, longest, frat-boy fart I have heard since college.
The fart was so long that I actually had to time to A) stop looking at bread, B) locate the farter, then C) think “Oh my God, is that woman farting right here in the bread aisle? She is! She is standing here farting in the bread aisle!”
Then she calmly walked away, leaving behind an odor so bad that I quickly grabbed ANY loaf of bread and ran because the plastic was starting to melt off of the loaves.
And I didn’t want any bread-aisle newcomers to think it was me.
What is going on here? What is with all the public display of disgustingness in the grocery store? I know that farting is a natural thing, but how about an “Excuse me?” Not only did this woman ruin my shopping, she also made me write about farts! Not my usual topic of choice.
Am I alone in this? Is anyone else being accosted by old people grossness? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Day six. STILL ALIVE.
7 hours ago