I went to the mall today but never actually made it inside because I was on the phone with my friend Jill (and, Legislators, do not come after me, I was using Sync so it was hands-free and I was in no way a danger to anyone. Jill was in her own home and not dangerous to anyone either, as far as I know) and the conversation was really interesting and I haven't talked to Jill in a while and I hate people who walk around the mall talking on cell phones because if you are shopping at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday you are most likely NOT on an urgent business call and are pretty likely to scream "Oh My God!" at some point.
Speaking of screaming. While I was sitting in my car a Japanese woman came right up to my rear window and started waving her arm at my car and screaming at it in Japanese. I didn't know what to do. It's not like the parking lot was full and I was taking up valuable parking property, and she wasn't in her car anyway so she couldn't have been after my parking spot, but she kept waving and screaming and then I noticed that the rear hatch of the car across from mine (which looked similar but wasn't even close to the same color) was raising electronically and I realized that this woman was trying to open my rear hatch with her keys which was never going to happen because my rear hatch doesn't raise electronically (and this needs to be said....my rear hatch doesn't raise for just anyone).
After a few minutes and her friends laughing at her the woman finally realized that she was waving and screaming at the wrong car and I realized that I probably now know how to say "Open up you f**ker!" in Japanese.
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
1 day ago