Are my teeth as white as all this snow? They'd BETTER be!

Last Wednesday we flew down to visit my in-laws in Florida where it was 63 degrees and windy as hell on Thursday but we decide to go to the pool anyway because 63 is still warmer than 33 (which it was when we left) and we figured no one would ever know because who else is stupid enough to sit outside in 63 degree weather with the wind whipping off all the towels you've layered on top of you to keep warm and it turns out we could barely find chairs because everyone was at the pool and some people were even in it.

Bad Parenting Sidebar: My son was kinda driving us crazy so we forced him to get into the pool and "play" only his older sister was too smart to get into the frigid water with him so he had no one to "play" with and when I told him to say hi to some of the other kids (who all had chattering teeth) he yelled "Mom, you KNOW I don't like strangers!" which pretty much meant no one went near him for the rest of the afternoon. Then my husband - in an utterly brilliant move - told my son that if he swam three laps he wouldn't have to go to swim team practice on Saturday and my son fell for it even though we were still going to be in Florida on Saturday and he bragged all afternoon about how he got out of swim team practice. It was almost sad. But he did sleep well that night so I think the combination of frigid water and mandatory laps was good for him after all.

Then Friday I got a call for an audition on Monday and it involves toothpaste so I insist that we go to the beach on Saturday (even though our flight home is Saturday evening) when it finally got above 70 degrees so my teeth would look extra-white.

We also go to the beach for this.

Best. Pizza. Ever.

Best garlic bread ever, too.

I bleach my teeth on Sunday - just to be safe - and then the huge snowstorm hits and my audition is moved back a day. I planned to go into this audition looking like someone who doesn't even NEED toothpaste but my tan is fading and there's no way I'm not drinking coffee so as we're sitting and waiting for my son to finish his guitar lesson this afternoon my daughter looks at me and says "Are you even MORE tan?" And, yes, I did dig out a bottle of self-tanner just to keep the glow alive for tomorrow morning. Shoot me. I like to think they'll appreciate the extra effort.

Of course, since it's 1 a.m. and I'm still awake and have to get up at 6 a.m. to drive my daughter to her early morning skating team practice I'm really hoping that the whiteness of my teeth will distract whoever is casting this thing from the wrinkles and bags around my eyes.