What a (wild) boar

According to an article on the front page of today’s paper there is a HUGE problem in Michigan with feral swine roaming the state in packs of 20, destroying property and menacing joggers.

I totally get the property thing. These pigs weigh anywhere from 200 to over 400 pounds each and two dozen could do a lot of damage. One guy who was quoted in the article called them four-legged vacuum cleaners and said they destroyed 28 acres in one night. That is a lot of hoovering.

But why the joggers? Did the boars think the joggers were trying to get to the cornfield first and muscle them out of the way like shoppers at a Christmas sale? Or do they just have something against joggers in general?

These pigs are here in the first place because hunters in Michigan just HAD to have one more thing to shoot at so hunting preserve owners starting importing the wild boars from Russia. The pigs, which are described as “wily” (and I thought that was just coyotes – which you can also hunt in Michigan but don’t cause nearly the destruction ---- so far), figured out how to escape by digging under the fences and then “lifting up the fence wire with their powerful snouts!!!!!” (The previous is a direct quote, only without all the exclamation points, so thank you Detroit Free Press).

Some really smart and important guy who knows all about wildlife and critters and stuff was quoted in the article saying “Crisis is not an overstatement here.” Great. As if I don’t have enough to worry about (economy, saving for college, going gray, bullies who pick on my kids, terrorists, chipmunks in my house) I now have to add roaming wild boars to the list.

Somewhere in Russia a pig farmer is counting his money and laughing his ass off.